A beautiful sunny day here at McNasty Towers, i intend to sip cold beer under the shade of the blossoming lilac trees while leafing through my latest copy of 'Hairlo' magazine. I note that it contains an intriguing article entitled 'Toupe or not toupe - an investigation into the latest hair weave technology'. I fully anticipate this to be the usual rubbish touted by the rip off merchants in the hair weave industry. Of course as a purveyor of quality rugs to the gentry, celebs and politicos of our great land i am not an unbiased observer. But surely anyone with any sense has realised by now that this so called latest technology is nothing more than a scam designed to prey on the vanity of those too insecure to accept that their bodies and associated accoutrements are wearing out, and heading downhill to the crematorium or boot hill faster than the legs that can no longer carry them. Just ask the fine tunesmith, party giver and tantrum thrower Mr Elton Bog who was once famously 'treated' at one of these exclusive establishments; when he emerged his poor bonce looked as if it had been dealt with by a potato peeler and his eagerly anticipated new barnett was as sparse as the hairs on the scrotum of a Xoloitzcuintli (http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/xoloitzcuintle.htm). I told him later at his coming out party that his money would have been better spent if he had invested in a "McNasty middle aged special"; a new model toupe that i had quite recently patented and which to this day is popular with politicians and men of the cloth. Not only does it have that permanent unwashed, unkempt, slightly dull and lifeless appearance, but by dint of the ingeneous incorporation of a mini shredder it is able to dispense noticable quantities of dandruff directly onto the shoulders of both the wearer and innocent bystanders. It is cheap to run, requiring only one A4 sheet of scrap paper per day, and the wearer could certainly never be accused of being mutton dressed as lamb.
But enough of this, I'm off to my hammock before Mrs McNasty arrives home and begins nagging me to begin decorating the dungeon again.
2 comments:
Have you made a mistake on your profile? It seems that you are offering a service as a "pubic" wig industry manufacturer. May I say that this is a dead industry due to the fact that most people shave that area. Especially to gain a more aero dynamic movement during these intercourse. so i would think that no one would like these pubic wigs you are offering. no?
On the contrary; there has been a resurgence in demand for pubic wigs, precisely because of the shaving craze. Many of my customers with completely bald motts have recently discovered the benefits of the 'McNasty Minge Muffler' range of products. Not only do they keep their nethers warm during the cold winter months but they allow them to vary their wardrobe to suit their mood.
Lady ***** of ********** recently wrote to me describing her joy at being able to sport a "Brazilian", a "Porn Toothbrush", a "Five O'Clock Shadow" and a "Through a hedge backwards" during the course of a recent conference with the French Ambassador. As for aero dynamics, since i introduced Teflon coatings for all products in the 'Minge Muffler' range I have received many comments regarding the excellent non-stick properties of our products; surely a major breakthrough in the battle against crusty curly ones.
Long may the shaving continue, not only does it provide me with customers, but i have found that acquiring raw materials has become so much easier since ladies have embraced pubic deforestation.
Post a Comment