Dougal Pontias McNasty

Busy weekend

What an excellent weekend, I am referring of course to the wonderful free Live 8 showcase gig and CD plugging event held in Hyde Park and at various other venues around the world. This was an excellent example and message from the rich and over priveleged to the rest of us that poverty is no longer acceptable. I am sure that as a result of increased sales arising out of their free publicity that they will continue to avoid this most unacceptable condition.

I was fortunate enough to be backstage attending to the needs of the famous and follically challenged; Lord Elton perhaps being the most notable dignatory availing himself of my services. As he will be the first to tell you Ginger wigs do have a mind of their own, particularly when they are on display to an audience of billions, so I made sure that I had lots of 'gaffa' tape and araldite to hand in order to ensure a performance free of the unpleasantness that can ensue when things become detached and start jumping across the stage of their own accord. (Such is the power of the rythmic boogie beats laid down by itinerant bass players and drummers.) (For your erudition this effect is know in the business as 'stage fright', due to the lasting psychological damage that witnessing such an event can have upon young and hithero innocent minds. )

The whole day went off without a hitch apart from a slight problem caused by the over trimming of a 'McNasty Wonderama' Pubic Wig by a nervous make up artist. Unfortunately this led to some nasty feedback during rehearsals but after some prompt attention Mrs Richie was able to deliver a most stunning performance completely unencumbranced by ginger snippings.

It was a pleasure to meet up with some of my old pals from the Coldstream Guards who were relaxing after 'warming up' the crowd. I noted with some satisfaction that they are still wearing the reliable 'McNasty SAM' Bearskins that I developed over fifteen years ago during a special secondment to Porton Down. (For the unitiated this headgear has a rotating top-piece that slides to one side in order to allow the launch of a miniature Surface to Air Missile which has proved very effective in deterring pigeons from mating in the vicinity of Buck House and embarassing Her Majesty. See Janes Hairpiece Weekly)

posted by D P McNasty @ 2:46 PM